a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
Randomize
