you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
