The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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