No stitches, just platelets and will power
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
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