So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
I would ride that face into the sunset
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
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