sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
