I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Randomize
