I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
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