My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
