I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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