SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
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