Three words: puerto rican gang bang
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
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