I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
