your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
