I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Randomize
