is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Randomize
