her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
