Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
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