Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize
