I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize
