My Higher Power is John Stamos
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
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I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
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These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
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