Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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