You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Randomize
