When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
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