So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
