where's my purse there's an important taco in it
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
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