she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
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