I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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