is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
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