That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
