I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Randomize
