Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
