Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
