Tell her she can't have a vagina
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
Buhtt sex?
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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