Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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