I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
