I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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