how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
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