I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
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i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
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The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
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