i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
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