Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
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