True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
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