The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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