I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
