you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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