Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Randomize
