Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Randomize
