i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
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