please come you make the beer taste better
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
