there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
