Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
