whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
Randomize
