all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
