the condom got lost in my hair
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
