From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
