I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
My underwear smells like fireworks.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
