I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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