I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
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