Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Randomize
