Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
Hippo gnu deer
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
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