Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Randomize
