It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
so let's talk penis.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Randomize
